Anne bakes the best croissants. Bill cracks the best jokes. I make the best prefect.

The smell of chalk mingled in the air as Mr Mark wrote my name in front of the class. Ugh. Smells like the 80s. Sounds like my girlfriend’s squeal when she saw me. Nostalgic and unwelcoming.

I had no intention of running for prefect. I am good enough without it.

But Marko likes smart boys. And I’m in my bicurious phase. I don’t know if running for class prefect will necessarily make me a smart boy(friend), but it doesn’t hurt. If I can’t dazzle him with brilliance, I might as well baffle him with my audacity.

It’s not just about being smart, but being real and relatable. Just like your local grandpa who regularly mows his lawn.

I start scribbling on a piece of tissue that I had used to clean up after cumming. I want a campaign slogan that is unlike any others I’ve seen. Again, I want something big but peasant-like, mind-blowing but unrefined. Something that speaks to the heart of students’ struggles. Not that I can actually relate, obviously. I don’t struggle much as a smart boy.

I settled on this slogan: cock and coxtails. Spoilers, heh heh.

“Cox and cocktails” was a slogan used by Republican Senator Warren Harding against James Cox during the presidential campaign of 1920. Harding tried to paint Cox as a cocktail-sipping, alcohol-tolerating guy.

Hitting the nail on the head! I want to be seen as a man. I want to be the limited edition; the one of the kind; a peculiar blend of intelligence and quirks.

With just a subtle twist, I transformed a cocktail-sipping and alcohol-tolerating persona into one of intelligence-sipping and a newfound tolerance for folly. A dictionary defines “cox” as “the person who sits in the back of a rowing boat and controls its direction”. That’s me. A man who supports, directs, and orchestrates. I am a man who embraces duality. I can be strong and resilient, yet gentle and compassionate.

Vote for me. The man who stands at the forefront of this species.