I have always been possessed by a grave sense of superiority. I had almonds for breakfast today, six almonds, to be exact. I almost went to the pool this morning, but I decided not to because I’d rather have my six almonds. The fact that I could choose to have almonds instead of going to the pool. How very superior.

Then I listened to Call Her Daddy on the train to work. Instead of Politics Now or The Rest Is Politics or any of those bullshit podcasts in which white people pretend to be educated and smart. I don’t care what Wory thinks. I don’t care who Kir Sthamer is. Of course if someone brings those people up, I pretend I know them.

At work, I had an Up&Go. The superior chocolate flavour. It had a superior 17.9 grams of protein which is three times my daily protein intake. I bet no ones take that much protein in a day. Because again I’m superior. I’m also superior because I bought the drink from a convenience store. It didn’t have a price tag, that’s what I like about convenience stores. You go because you know you can afford anything there. You don’t even blink. I feel like a King. I am the King.

At lunch, my colleague Nelly asked if I would like to get takeaway sushi with her. I said yes. I didn’t want to but I thought Nelly would be embarrassed if I said no. She mustered a great deal of courage to ask me out. No one ever dared asking me out.

Anyway, another day of being great.