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Fresh as a daisy
I have a clean sex policy. Anyone getting on my bed must first sanitise themselves. This is a sacred place. I don’t always get what I want, however. As the night unfolded, my wife decided that a kiss was in order before engaging in what she calls the “trivialities” of dental hygiene. Her hair a
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Orange therapy
“Where’s the sun?” “It’s wherever you left it. Probably hiding in your bum.” “Excuse me? Don’t be rude. You mean it doesn’t just hang out in the sky?” “Yeah, right. The sun’s gone rogue. It decided it was tired of shining on your face and took a vacation. Probably sipping piña coladas on a beach
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Birds don’t bark
Legend has it that young birds don’t bark. When a baby bird hatches, it seems to have come with an innate understanding that barking is simply not part of their repertoire. So when my husband wrapped his fat fingers around our canary in an attempt to stop her from chirping all day, her only reaction
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Nine cats and a wife
I have nine cats and a wife. No kids, never. Kids are either way too disgusting or dangerously enticing. I once stumbled upon my niece, a pint-sized dynamo in wet underpants shouting “mummy weeet!” Truly undignified. Then there was the time I encountered a little girl with intricately woven French braids—let’s call her Isabel—sporting two
soggycherry 