soggycherry

I have always been possessed by a grave sense of superiority. I had almonds for breakfast today, six almonds, to be exact. I almost went to the pool this morning, but I decided not to because I’d rather have my six almonds. The fact that I could choose to have almonds instead of going to… — read more

Anne bakes the best croissants. Bill cracks the best jokes. I make the best prefect. The smell of chalk mingled in the air as Mr Mark wrote my name in front of the class. Ugh. Smells like the 80s. Sounds like my girlfriend’s squeal when she saw me. Nostalgic and unwelcoming. I had no intention… — read more

I don’t always think about death, but when I do, I really think about it. A part of dying is learning that the quality of the things you put on and inside yourself really matters. The horror that I would be buried in threadbare underwear. The horror! Those faded patterns, the elastic that has seen… — read more

Eli Ozer founded Wikifeet. I, too, have discovered my own fervor. I came home from work one night (what’s new) seeing my niece nestled in her favourite Kuromi blanket on the floor. My sister entrusted her to me when she was diagnosed with a rare blood disease. She was only six but, in my view,… — read more

I have a clean sex policy. Anyone getting on my bed must first sanitise themselves. This is a sacred place. I don’t always get what I want, however. As the night unfolded, my wife decided that a kiss was in order before engaging in what she calls the “trivialities” of dental hygiene. Her hair a… — read more

“Where’s the sun?” “It’s wherever you left it. Probably hiding in your bum.” “Excuse me? Don’t be rude. You mean it doesn’t just hang out in the sky?” “Yeah, right. The sun’s gone rogue. It decided it was tired of shining on your face and took a vacation. Probably sipping piña coladas on a beach… — read more

Legend has it that young birds don’t bark. When a baby bird hatches, it seems to have come with an innate understanding that barking is simply not part of their repertoire. So when my husband wrapped his fat fingers around our canary in an attempt to stop her from chirping all day, her only reaction… — read more

I have nine cats and a wife. No kids, never. Kids are either way too disgusting or dangerously enticing. I once stumbled upon my niece, a pint-sized dynamo in wet underpants shouting “mummy weeet!” Truly undignified. Then there was the time I encountered a little girl with intricately woven French braids—let’s call her Isabel—sporting two… — read more