Sex is hard. My wife rarely smells alright. It seems she has trouble wiping off her pee. It might be a universal problem for women for they have a lot more layers and folds within their system. They also grow more hair, I think, so it doesn’t work in favour of lazy women like my wife who don’t shave often. She claims shaving gives her bumps and itchiness. She forgot about her permanently dry and duzzy curls which look like they itch more. Nowhere I can find out. We don’t talk often. The last time I touched her was the end of December last year. For context it is now May. Her name is also May, so I am reminded of her today. As opposed to saying I touched her, it may be more fairly described as I applied moisturiser to her puss. So much moisturiser I don’t consider myself touching her. I don’t actually touch her, in a manly sense. It was vicarious. And is usually so. I apply a lot of moisturiser, usually rose scented, because she smells like a combination of day old pee, char siu pork that has been left on the kitchen countertop for 12 hours, and self-consciousness. The slightly sour rose scent covers it pretty well as it is neither too pungent nor subtle. I got it from Bath & Body Works, because they sell cheap moisturiser, in which case I can bulk purchase to vicariously touch May. I want to try non vicarious touching some time. Maybe tomorrow. She’s a pushover so it’s easy to convince her. The main difficulty is myself. I don’t yet have the courage. Maybe some time next week then. Or next month. You know I could just start with her face. I don’t need to go straight to the jungle. One step at a time. Speaking of which I also haven’t touched her face in maybe two years. She’s ugly, you’ve guessed it right. She also has a permanent layer of face oil and blackheads not only on her nose. So she’s basically an oily steak with black pepper. Something I do enjoy eating; so maybe I should try harder. She also has no hair. Apparently she has been sick for a year. Ovarian cancer, apparently, but only stage II. She’s almost recovered anyway. I await some non vicarious sex, darling, I will always remember the first time I saw you.