Audience
I was walking on Elizabeth Street in one early evening. A plump, curious rat captured my attention. She was tottering along the shops with her almost broken left front leg. As she approached the display cabinets, she would push herself up against the wall to check out what human greediness is up to. I followed…
Chinese dumpling
I had a bite of this seemingly juicy soup dumpling. Little did I know that it wasn’t soup. It was anxiety boiling up within a sheet of silence that is creasing under the heat. Today is the day. This restaurant near Eastwood train station is humming with couples in their thirties with their kids. They…
Vicarious touching
Sex is hard. My wife rarely smells alright. It seems she has trouble wiping off her pee. It might be a universal problem for women for they have a lot more layers and folds within their system. They also grow more hair, I think, so it doesn’t work in favour of lazy women like my…
Soup
One of my cherished delights in childhood was a cold bowl of fishhead soup. The gelatin glistened around the eyeball, the delicate crunch of the cartilage, and the tender flesh melted like the dreams I used to have. I don’t usually do much on my birthdays. I sit on the blue couch. I play with…
Superiority
I have always been possessed by a grave sense of superiority. I had almonds for breakfast today, six almonds, to be exact. I almost went to the pool this morning, but I decided not to because I’d rather have my six almonds. The fact that I could choose to have almonds instead of going to…
Prefects
Anne bakes the best croissants. Bill cracks the best jokes. I make the best prefect. The smell of chalk mingled in the air as Mr Mark wrote my name in front of the class. Ugh. Smells like the 80s. Sounds like my girlfriend’s squeal when she saw me. Nostalgic and unwelcoming. I had no intention…
Leonardo da Vinci
I don’t always think about death, but when I do, I really think about it. A part of dying is learning that the quality of the things you put on and inside yourself really matters. The horror that I would be buried in threadbare underwear. The horror! Those faded patterns, the elastic that has seen…
Foot stuff
Eli Ozer founded Wikifeet. I, too, have discovered my own fervor. I came home from work one night (what’s new) seeing my niece nestled in her favourite Kuromi blanket on the floor. My sister entrusted her to me when she was diagnosed with a rare blood disease. She was only six but, in my view,…
Fresh as a daisy
I have a clean sex policy. Anyone getting on my bed must first sanitise themselves. This is a sacred place. I don’t always get what I want, however. As the night unfolded, my wife decided that a kiss was in order before engaging in what she calls the “trivialities” of dental hygiene. Her hair a…
Orange therapy
“Where’s the sun?” “It’s wherever you left it. Probably hiding in your bum.” “Excuse me? Don’t be rude. You mean it doesn’t just hang out in the sky?” “Yeah, right. The sun’s gone rogue. It decided it was tired of shining on your face and took a vacation. Probably sipping piña coladas on a beach…
Birds don’t bark
Legend has it that young birds don’t bark. When a baby bird hatches, it seems to have come with an innate understanding that barking is simply not part of their repertoire. So when my husband wrapped his fat fingers around our canary in an attempt to stop her from chirping all day, her only reaction…
Nine cats and a wife
I have nine cats and a wife. No kids, never. Kids are either way too disgusting or dangerously enticing. I once stumbled upon my niece, a pint-sized dynamo in wet underpants shouting “mummy weeet!” Truly undignified. Then there was the time I encountered a little girl with intricately woven French braids—let’s call her Isabel—sporting two…
soggycherry 