soggycherry

“Where’s the sun?” “It’s wherever you left it. Probably hiding in your bum.” “Excuse me? Don’t be rude. You mean it doesn’t just hang out in the sky?” “Yeah, right. The sun’s gone rogue. It decided it was tired of shining on your face and took a vacation. Probably sipping piña coladas on a beach… — read more

Legend has it that young birds don’t bark. When a baby bird hatches, it seems to have come with an innate understanding that barking is simply not part of their repertoire. So when my husband wrapped his fat fingers around our canary in an attempt to stop her from chirping all day, her only reaction… — read more

I have nine cats and a wife. No kids, never. Kids are either way too disgusting or dangerously enticing. I once stumbled upon my niece, a pint-sized dynamo in wet underpants shouting “mummy weeet!” Truly undignified. Then there was the time I encountered a little girl with intricately woven French braids—let’s call her Isabel—sporting two… — read more

I want to elevate my solo sessions. Condiments are a good idea because they feel cheap, at least compared to the $30 bottle of lube that smells like a mix of your dad’s expired sunscreen and overripe plums. Or the $20 bottle of unscented lube that makes it hard to maintain a pleasant experience sometimes.… — read more